1 kilo - via SMSes

Friend: I forget to tell you something ytd, I went to weigh myself & found out that I haf actually gained a kilo :( Probably eaten too much liao. Guess I haf no choice but to jog doubley hard to shed the kilo away.

Me: It's ONE kilo only lor

Friend: It's a LOT lor. Many little kilos will add up to tonnes u noe (at this point I'm eye rolling) If possible I will like to donate some of my spare fats to you. See I'm so good to you leh. Heehee, so do you feel touched?

Me: You're sick! Unless you're a WAGYU grade (9) cow, I have no interest in your fats what so ever.